Comedy
Page 4
- Isn’t it a b**ch? ...the vice president thing… I’m joking, I’m joking, I’m joking. Best decision I ever made.
- The transportation system in this country is in a huge ditch. A pothole, if you will.
- So excited for the Apple Watch. For centuries, we’ve checked the time by looking at our phones. Having it on your wrist? Genius.
- Robin [Williams] was a world treasure. As we mourn his tragic death, we must remember him for the great waves of laughter that he was able to illicit from us, how his humor and insights - though they came from a place of pain and uncertainty - connected us and reminded us of how flawed and fragile...how human we are. How we are capable of moments of inspired transcendence and others of unspeakable despair.
- Here’s a woman, a real pioneer for other women looking for careers in stand-up comedy. And talk about guts - she would come out here and sit in this chair and say some things that were unbelievable - where you would have to swallow pretty hard… but it was hilarious… the force of her comedy was overpowering.
- CNN now stands for 'Cops Not Needed Network.
- I love the HRC. The initials are great.
- Hey, you know if Ted Cruz runs out of material there to speak of in this filibuster of his, he can always just read the Obamacare bill itself, because I bet you no one else there on the Senate floor has actually read it. If he would read it, though, then perhaps Nancy Pelosi, she’d be watching the C-SPAN station there, and she’d be able to say, ‘Oh, that is what is in it.
- America is just so weird in what they think is right and wrong. Like, I was watching ‘Breaking Bad’ the other day, and they were cooking meth. I could literally cook meth because of that show. It's a how-to. And then they bleeped out the word 'f__k'. And I'm like, really? They killed a guy, and disintegrated his body in acid, but you're not allowed to say 'f__k'? It's like when they bleeped 'molly' at the VMAs. Look what I'm doing up here right now, and you're going to bleep out 'molly'?
- For the first time in our history, the winners of the White House Turkey Pardon were chosen through a highly competitive online vote. And once again, Nate Silver completely nailed it. The guy is amazing.
- And on a strategic note, Miss Cottle: before we enter the 2016 election cycle and the feminists come asking black women for our support for your candidate, you might want to read up a bit on black women and our feminism. I can send you a syllabus.
- According to new statistics, Pope Francis is the most talked about person on the Internet. And not only that, he has the most viewed profile on Christian Mingle.