Comedy
Page 5
- Today Obama was in so much trouble he called Hillary Clinton and he said, 'Could you start early?
- Cardinal Dolan, of course, has a very, very hard job: trying to hold up Catholic family values in sexually liberal New York City. I’m not saying New York is the Gay Mecca. But it’s at least Gay-rusalem.
- The English language was carefully, carefully cobbled together by three blind dudes and a German dictionary.
- Obviously [my daughters] - and Michelle - have made a lot of sacrifices on behalf of my cockamamie ideas, the running for office and things.
- ¦This is not a tool to bring down regimes. We never though of ourselves like this. We were just, you know, cracking jokes about the status quo. And it’s a way to deal with our differences…I think it’s a very healthy, cathartic way of freedom of expression. As a matter of fact, having a show like this reflects well on the government – that it allows something like this.
- What are the nuns doing that they can't answer the phone? This is Pope Francis, I wanted to offer you greetings for the end of the year. Maybe I'll try to call again later. May God bless you.
- It's so much more fun to watch FOX when it's someone else being blitzed & sacked!
- Director Ken Burns revealed that his next documentary is about Franklin Roosevelt, and it's fourteen hours long...which sounds like too much, until you realize there's been over thirty hours of TV dedicated to Honey Boo Boo.
- Maybe we should be that way about the First Gentleman also, and really critique the way they look all the time - their choice of tie, or their hairstyle, or whatever. Or maybe their weight.
- In response to criticism of its treatment of killer whales, Sea World said it will build them a larger habitat. When asked for comment, killer whales said, 'Hey, you know what's a larger habitat?' THE OCEAN.
- The mayor of Sochi is now saying that there are no gay people in Sochi. So the only thing that is flaming over there now is the Olympic torch.
- I would do almost anything Tina Fey asks me to do.