Comedy
- There is nothing that's off limits. If people think something is off limits, I make it my business to go make a joke about it; that's my job.
- Is there anyone out there? Or am I all alone? It wouldn’t make a difference; still, I don’t wanna know.
- What’s not scary is that he became presidential in that moment. I think what’s scary is that it is that easy to become presidential.
- Charles Manson cancels marriage because his lady wanted to keep his corpse in a glass case. This is now my new reason for staying single.
- Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers.
- I don’t have a super PAC. I don’t even have a backpack.
- That’s right, I’m the lesser known Kardashian sister, my name is Karla Kardashian with a K. Because we’re known for our double K’s. These are double K’s too, by the way.
- Netflix gave us House of Cards and then took it away. This is like every Valentine’s Day I’ve ever had.
- I KNEW WHEN JON STEWART LEFT TO DIRECT THAT MOVIE HE WAS GONNA TRY SOMETHING LIKE THIS.
- Sure Kelsey, pick the theme for prom but we’ll control the budget, and ‘Eyes Wide Shut’ is not an acceptable theme.
- The most important thing to know as a staffer: please let the secret service know before you shoot off the confetti cannons.
- This isn’t ISIS; no one’s dying. We’ll get through this.