Charles Manson cancels marriage because his lady wanted to keep his corpse in a glass case. This is now my new reason for staying single.

There is nothing that's off limits. If people think something is off limits, I make it my business to go make a joke about it; that's my job.

Is there anyone out there? Or am I all alone? It wouldn’t make a difference; still, I don’t wanna know.

Today, we celebrate our gay pride.

I didn’t want this job. I didn’t seek this job. My wife told me I’m supposed to do this.

What’s not scary is that he became presidential in that moment. I think what’s scary is that it is that easy to become presidential.

Not only am I having a girl, but I picked the girl from her little embryo. I picked her and was like, 'Let's put in the girl.

The court looks the other way as yet another federal district judge casts aside state laws without making any effort to preserve the status quo pending the court’s resolution of a constitutional question it left open in United States v. Windsor…This acquiescence may well be seen as a signal of the court’s intended resolution of that question.

We wish those in happy relationships a very happy Valentine’s Day… and encourage everyone else to clean out their closets, donate to Goodwill and start fresh!