Relationships & Marriage

Today, we celebrate our gay pride.

I didn’t want this job. I didn’t seek this job. My wife told me I’m supposed to do this.

Not only am I having a girl, but I picked the girl from her little embryo. I picked her and was like, 'Let's put in the girl.

We wish those in happy relationships a very happy Valentine’s Day… and encourage everyone else to clean out their closets, donate to Goodwill and start fresh!

Charles Manson cancels marriage because his lady wanted to keep his corpse in a glass case. This is now my new reason for staying single.

The court looks the other way as yet another federal district judge casts aside state laws without making any effort to preserve the status quo pending the court’s resolution of a constitutional question it left open in United States v. Windsor…This acquiescence may well be seen as a signal of the court’s intended resolution of that question.

I have confirmed that the second verse is Warren.

A real man is one that doesn’t feel the need to dim the light of his woman in order to make himself feel brighter.

He told me that I will be a wife but I was just innocent, I wanted to come to school. But that man wanted me to be a third wife. I told him, I will not be your wife, and he caned me.

Have you seen his wife? I hope she comes to the game. I hope her sister comes to the game, all her friends come to the game. One of my favorite games of the year, guys.

And so I’m here before you this morning, with a seemingly impossible choice that I do not wish upon any of my fellow Americans: my conscience and my freedom.

Netflix gave us House of Cards and then took it away. This is like every Valentine’s Day I’ve ever had.