Comedy
Page 7
- If I die unexpectedly, can everyone just do the right thing and pretend I was a way better person than I am?
- I am a little jet lagged from my trip to Malaysia...The lengths we have to go to to get CNN coverage these days.
- These days, the House Republicans actually give John Boehner a harder time than they give me. Which means orange really is the new black.
- L.A. Clippers owner Donald Sterling was recorded on tape making racist comments. He now has been banned from the league for life. Great, just where Sterling wanted to end up – the blacklist.
- Look how thick this bill is. I could end you with this bill, man.
- I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage…Oh, God!
- ¦I was really tested, but afterwards I was euphoric, because I thought, ‘wow, I just had to fly by the seat of my pants, interview the president of The United States. I didn’t ask him about his favorite color or his favorite meal at the White House - I actually talked to him about real things, and I survived. Phew!’
- It’s unbelievable. I could have never imagined it…at day one, we had 200 dollars, and I thought that was way too much money. I was overwhelmed at the idea of making 200 dollars worth of potato salad. So $35,000…
- Calling someone a drama queen is so negative. Why not ‘content creator’?
- Is it illegal for me to ask what religion a corporation is during a job interview?
- What’s with the poverty Tourette’s? Why do these two think we need a hobo for president?
- I think it’s about time a 55-year-old British woman is the heroine of an action movie. I may have to write it.