Tweetin’ ain’t cheatin’.

Today, we celebrate our gay pride.

I didn’t want this job. I didn’t seek this job. My wife told me I’m supposed to do this.

Not only am I having a girl, but I picked the girl from her little embryo. I picked her and was like, 'Let's put in the girl.

Charles Manson cancels marriage because his lady wanted to keep his corpse in a glass case. This is now my new reason for staying single.

The court looks the other way as yet another federal district judge casts aside state laws without making any effort to preserve the status quo pending the court’s resolution of a constitutional question it left open in United States v. Windsor…This acquiescence may well be seen as a signal of the court’s intended resolution of that question.

We wish those in happy relationships a very happy Valentine’s Day… and encourage everyone else to clean out their closets, donate to Goodwill and start fresh!

I've seen over the last couple of days, or couple of years, actually, that I hate the media. I actually do love you guys.

Listen to yourself, and in that quietude you might hear the voice of God.