Ok, that’s the show. From eternity, I’m Stephen Colbert. Jon?

To hate him is wrong, and maybe my ego got too caught up in, if I stood here maybe, maybe — just maybe — I could break this record of the man who tried to stop the rights upon which I stand. I’m not here, though, because of his speech. I’m here despite his speech. I’m here because as powerful as he was, the people were more powerful.

Signal might be a good app for you and me and our local drug dealer, but it’s not for the Pentagon to plan wars on.

In the past, human progress had to come at the cost of the environment. If we wanted energy, we had to burn wood or we had to burn fossil fuels. If we wanted to grow more food, we had to expand farmland, often at the cost of forests. But technology and innovation means we're very quickly decoupling these impacts, such that this conflict is no longer true.

The hour has come for a new generation to lead the Democratic Congress that I so deeply respect.

There is nothing that's off limits. If people think something is off limits, I make it my business to go make a joke about it; that's my job.

Is there anyone out there? Or am I all alone? It wouldn’t make a difference; still, I don’t wanna know.

If you don't know what you're living for, you haven't yet lived.

To say you have no choice is to relieve yourself of responsibility.