Comedy
Page 3
- Isn’t 007 supposed to [be] handsome? Glad you think I’ve got a shot!
- I hate white people who come to me with all their race-related questions. Like, go read a book. I am not your literal Encyclopedia Brown.
- You know, maybe there was a little hanky-panky [when I lived in The White House]. There was like maybe a kiss on the roof.
- [Robin Williams] made all these people feel great. And at the same time, knowing that he had this sense of … what I make up in my mind - this low sense of self-worth, of belonging, of loneliness, of pain that all the money in the world can't cure. All the accolades and awards, and all the love from people all over the world … all that love could still not stop that man from saying, 'I am in so much pain.
- The thing about Scandal and House of Cards that makes [them] fun to watch is I can't imagine that either a president [Kevin] Spacey or the president's chief of staff on Scandal could really get away with murder. I wish I'd known about that [ability] when I was in office. You know, think of all of the opportunities I missed. So little time, so many people that have it coming.
- Every time someone mentions how many jobs Keystone XL would create, it somehow gets bigger. A bazillion jobs!
- I would rather die than be in the United States Senate. I would be bored to death. Could you imagine me, banging around that chamber with 99 other people, asking for a motion on the amendment in the subcommittee? Forget it…You'd watch me just walk out and walk right into the Potomac River and drown. That would be it.
- The most common occupation for women in G rated films is royalty - which is a great gig, if you can get it.
- You're much more pleasant to debate than Joe Biden.
- I’m not concerned [about Ebola]. I’ve had no fluid exchanges with my neighbors.
- You gotta realize we are in America, and in America, there are no sacred days. Because we commercialize everything. We’re only 5 years away from 9/11 sales….’Come on down to Red Lobster! These shrimp are 9 dollars and 11 cents!’ It doesn’t matter what the holiday is. Martin Luther King Day, it’s gonna be the same thing. Gonna be watching TV like, ‘These Toyotas are practically free at last, free at last!
- Congrats to Chelsea Clinton and husband Marc! And how long till [baby] Charlotte is asked for a yes or no about running in 2052?