Comedy
Page 2
- Oprah marched on Selma this weekend. She has a dream that Selma shall overcome The Wedding Ringer at the box office.
- While we’re all obsessed with Deflategate, let’s keep in mind that there’s something about which you should give a f**k. Yes, like Tom Brady, the world is getting hotter and hotter, and you know why? Because we humans are pumping carbon dioxide into the atmosphere.
- Before I go out, I always designate a droner. Friends don’t let friends drone drunk.
- Can I vaccinate anyone who approaches me in Stand Your Ground states?
- Tip to people in TV news: If you want out of your contract, just say you want to run for President.
- The movie Selma is a story about the American Civil Rights movement that totally worked and now everything is fine.
- Nicholas Sparks is getting divorced. When he has a hard time dating, he'll only have the unrealistic standards he created to blame.
- The first person Marco Rubio thanks in acknowledgments of [his] new book: ‘My Lord, Jesus Christ.’ The second? ‘My very wise lawyer, Bob Barnett.’
- When I have children, I'm going to tell them to aspire to be third-string quarterbacks.
- Ok, that’s the show. From eternity, I’m Stephen Colbert. Jon?
- On this day long ago, a child was born who - by age 30 - would transform the world. Happy Birthday Isaac Newton - born Dec 25, 1642.
- The Interview may be the most elaborately marketed movie of all time.